Agent Emilia Santos

Alright folks, let’s talk about Agent Amelia Santos, the so-called “master temporal navigator” of the String Society. This woman claims to be a time traveler, boasting about how she averted a seismic anomaly that would have sent California plunging into the ocean. Now, I’ll give credit where it’s due—she might have saved a few lives. But honestly, would it have been so bad if California, with all its thong-wearing, botox-injecting liberals, took a dip? I don’t think so.

Here's where things get suspicious. Santos supposedly came from the future to fix this mess, altering the timeline and causing who-knows-what kind of ripple effects. Messing with time is like playing with fire, and I guarantee you, many of us would be better off if she hadn’t meddled. But the biggest red flag? Her location is redacted. Why is the String Society hiding her whereabouts? What are they afraid we'll discover? It's high time we demand answers and hold these time-manipulating agents accountable for their actions.